


The Past is a Present

by embroiderama



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-20
Updated: 2010-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-06 12:18:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/embroiderama/pseuds/embroiderama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean gives Sam the gift of memories</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Past is a Present

**Author's Note:**

> This is a holiday request ficlet for [](http://legoline.livejournal.com/profile)[**legoline**](http://legoline.livejournal.com/), who asked for a drabble but got a little extra. Beta'd by the lovely [](http://pheebs1.livejournal.com/profile)[**pheebs1**](http://pheebs1.livejournal.com/). Some more rambly notes are at the end of the story.

As far as Dean was concerned, the sooner they got out of this crazy suburban open-air shopping mall hellhole, the better. Mid-December, and the place was overloaded with Christmas--Christmas music, Christmas displays in the windows, sales people in Santa hats. On top of that, Sam had been too quiet all day, and it was making Dean feel twitchy as hell.

Concentrating only on getting through the row of Christmas displays with his sanity intact, Dean didn't immediately realize that Sam was no longer beside him. When he looked back, focusing his gaze above the crowd, he saw his brother standing in front of a display half a block behind him. Dean pushed back through the crowd to see what had Sam so transfixed and found him staring at a family tableau, mother and father and two small boys unwrapping presents around a decorated tree. The perfect family Christmas.

"What?" Dean asked, bumping his shoulder into Sam's.

"We never got to have this," Sam rasped close to his ear.

"Dad did the best he could."

"Yeah, I know. I know. But--all four of us--we never--"

"We kinda did, actually. The last Christmas before you were born."

"You remember that?"

"A little. You know, snapshots." Dean looked down, keeping his gaze away from the display and Sam alike. "Mom was showing already; I remember that. She had this bright red dress that stretched a little over her stomach, and I knew that was you."

"Really?"

"And she was hungry all the time. Dad bought her these fancy Christmas chocolates, all wrapped up in foil, and he said they were for the baby. She laughed and kissed him and ate the candy." And then she passed a piece of the candy to Dean, hugging him and telling him that he was still her baby boy.

Dean remembered the Christmas after that, too, but he couldn't remember the presents or the tree they must have had at Mike and Kate's house. All he could remember was sitting on Santa's lap in the mall and Kate kneeling in front of him, begging him to tell Santa what he wanted. All he could remember was crying, finally, helplessly, because the only thing he wanted was his mommy back, and he didn't have any words to say that.

And now there was another Christmas and another fresh loss, and the years hadn't given him any more words to make it better.

"Thanks, Dean," Sam whispered, moving a quarter step closer to press his arm tighter in to Dean's.

Dean shifted his weight to lean toward Sam, feeling his brother's familiar warmth even through the sleeves of their coats. "You want to get out of here before I start taking out shoppers with rock salt?"

"Sure," Sam nodded, reaching up to run his hand over his eyes. "Let's go."

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: This little thing touches on some themes that I find really interesting in Supernatural, mostly that of memory. The tragedy of memory for Sam is that he doesn't remember his mother, doesn't remember John when he was happy, doesn't remember their family being whole. The tragedy for Dean is that he does, that he bears that burden, and that he knows the difference. From what we saw in Home, it doesn't seem like they discuss their family history often, but I think they should because that's the only way they can share and lighten those opposite burdens. I've written about this before, but I guess it just never gets old for me.


End file.
